Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
