So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
