My first STD was from a foam party
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
