take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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