I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
