Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
