xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
