I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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