singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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