i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
