tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
