can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize