like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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