It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
