You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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