I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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