are you still at the devil's house?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
