I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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