when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
