My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
