Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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