But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
