I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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