dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
