he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
zippers are such a cool invention
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
