Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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