Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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