billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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