If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
