i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
