I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
