I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
