Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
