that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You have to summon your inner elephant
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
