ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
