I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
