New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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