But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
