billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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