I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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