The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
