She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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