Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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