there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
