she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
