i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
