Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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