Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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