I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize