I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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