I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
