ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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