I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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