What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
my liver is dry heaving
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
