I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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