i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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