you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
