I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
