DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The power of my boobs compel you
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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