He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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