If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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