Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
