Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
