My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
