Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
