It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
